Who AM I?
I'm Velvet Lilith, Certified Somatic Sexologist, Intimacy and Relationship coach and Sex Educator.
Evidence-informed, body-based support for adults who want a more honest, confident and alive relationship with their intimacy, desire and pleasure.
I work with people who feel capable and accomplished in most areas of life and have quietly accepted that sex, intimacy and relationships are the exception. People who feel disconnected from their bodies, go through the motions with a partner, carry shame or inherited scripts about what they should want, or simply know there's more available to them and are curious about what that is.
I work with both mind-body connection. I provide education to my clients about bodies, intimacy and relationships, so they stop assuming something is wrong with them. I help them uncover the unconscious beliefs and inherited stories shaping how they experience their body, sex, intimacy and relationships, and together we rewrite the narratives that no longer serve them. And I share somatic practices that support pleasure and nervous-system regulation, because desire, arousal and intimacy live in the nervous system, and that's where sustainable change occurs.
My practice is queer, kink, non-monogamy and sex-worker informed and welcoming, and I use plain and accessible language regardless of your background or beliefs.
Sex was never meant to be performed. When you stop performing it or re-enacting scripts you were handed that were not written for you, you get to find out what feels true for you.
Please note that my work does not involve any genital touch. Read more about what my work entails on the Work with Me page.
my journey as a sexual and embodied being
I grew up, like a lot of people, in a body I didn't really know.
Nobody sat me down and talked to me about desire, pleasure, relationships, that my body and pleasure was mine or how to find out what I liked. So I did what a lot of us did: I turned to mainstream porn which is the equivalent of learning about relationships from romantic comedies: not useful and often not grounded in reality.
What followed were years of having a LOT of sex, some of it good, most of it not. I performed for the male gaze and for someone else's pleasure, the way good girls are taught to.
Until I decided to reclaim my body as mine. My pleasure as mine. And that I was going to figure out, really figure out, what I actually enjoyed.
Two decades of learning in real time: through relationships, through mistakes, through heartbreak, through communities that weren't afraid to talk honestly about sex, through the straight world, through queer world, through monogamy, through non-monogamy, through spaces where sex was taboo, through spaces where sex was celebrated. I wore my sexuality in a way that earned me the word slut in my early days, which I learned to reclaim in an embodied way that was centered around my pleasure.
That lived experience, alongside professional training and a decade of facilitating private and group work is what I bring into my work. My practice isn't built solely from a textbook but also encompasses lived experience and everything I've learned in real time: about bodies, about desire, about the gap between the sex we perform and the sex we actually want.
I'm in my forties now, and I feel more empowered as a sexual being each day. I have no intention of letting society dictate what my intimate life should be like, what my body should look like or how I should dress. And I’m here to remind you that you too don’t have to subscribe to a paradigm and scripts that weren’t written for you, regardless of how old you are.
If you grew up without language for your body, without permission to want what you want, or even know what you want, or without anyone who could meet you where you are and this is impacting your relationship to yourself, your Eros and others now, you're exactly who I'm here for.
my background
My practice is the result of my journey through the embodied, the sacred, the light and the shadows.
With roots in Somatic Sexology, Sex coaching, somatics, bodywork, my work is grounded in evidence-based modalities and the intelligence of the mind-body connection.
I’ve studied Shakta and Shaiva Tantra lineages, as well as sacred sexuality, neo-Tantra and shamanic practices, blending ancient pathways with modern modalities and philosophies. My facilitation is informed by a decade of study and practice across diverse modalities from devotional ritual to trauma-informed somatic work, from the soft power of touch to the wild pulse of Eros.
Though I have a connection to sacred traditions, my work is grounded, down-to-earth, and made for all people, not just spiritual seekers, but anyone longing to feel more alive, embodied, and empowered. In my private sessions and workshops, I use language that is accessible to people regardless of their beliefs and backgrounds.
As a trained BDSM practitioner, I've also done deep shadow work. It's widened my palette, creatively, intimately, and in how I understand power dynamics. It is where my non-judgmental approach to intimacy comes from. Being kink-positive doesn't mean I think everyone should be. I celebrate all expressions, vanilla included.
Over the past decade, I’ve guided countless workshops, group and private transformational spaces, crafting immersive experiences that honour sovereignty, shame resilience, eros and the full spectrum of human expression.
qualifications
studies
Relationships, intimacy, and sexuality - The Sexual Integration Institute, Institute of Somatic Sexology, Bonnie Bliss, Betty Martin, Esther Perel, Cindy Darnell, Jack Morin, Jaiya, Brenee Brown & more
Embodiment, Somatics - Michaela Boem, Peter Levine, The Embody Lab
Tantra - Hareesh Wallis, Uma Neave & more
Neo Tantra - Tantra is Love, Luna Agneya, Barbara Carellas, Taste of Love & more
Kundalini Yoga - Brett Larkin, Samadhi Yoga Ashram
Kink/BDSM - Colette Pervette, Chasey Devil, Asha Luna, Alex Vicia, Emira Cross, Blake Carter, Electra Amore, Zoe Demure, Anne O’nomis, Lee Harrington & more
Certifications
Integrative Sex Coaching and Sex Education - The Sexual Integration Institute (currently completing)
Somatic Sex Coaching - Institute of Somatic Sexology
Sensual Embodied Dance Facilitator - Holly Wodetzki
Pranayama breathwork facilitator - Breath of the Heart
Kundalini Yoga YTT - Samadhi Yoga Ashram
Temple Style Lomi Lomi Massage therapist - Christina Martin
Womb & Fertility Massage Therapy™ - Carol Jones
Circle Facilitator - The Global Sisterhood
Sacred Space Facilitator (Shamanic practice framework) - Sharon Bolt
Reiki Level 1, 2, Master - Alicia Casillas, Poppy Om Chi Reiki, Jeremy OCarroll
The Shakta Path - Ritual and Ceremony - Breath of the Heart, Uma Neave
Closing of the Bones Ceremony - Sophie Messager
The Four Seasons Journey - School of Shamanic Womancraft (Jane Hardwick Collins)
Women’s Health and Wellness Coach - Wellness College (currently completing)
Contact ME.
thevelvetlilith@gmail.com
0485 839 465