have you ever felt inadequate in bed?
This might be a reason why.
Most of us were handed a one-size-fits-all script for what sex "should" look like.
But for a lot of people, that script doesn’t work and they feel inadequate as a result or like there’s something wrong with them when they don’t enjoy the things they’ve been taught they should, for wanting different things in bed or think that they’re not sexual enough.
Sexologist Jaiya spent two decades noticing something: people aren't aroused the same way. Not even close.
She mapped five distinct arousal styles, she calls them Erotic Blueprints.
The energetic type
Turned on by what hasn't happened yet.
Anticipation. Space. The hover of a hand that doesn't quite touch the body. Eye contact from across the room.
If this is you, moving to touch quickly doesn't feel exciting ,it feels like a circuit blowing.
The longing is more arousing than the touch itself.
The sensual type
Turned on through the senses, all of them.
Music. Candlelight. The texture of the sheets. A long, slow massage.
Having all your senses engaged is what allows you to feel relaxed, to actually land in your body.
If the dishes are piled up and the lighting is surgical, your desire exits the building pronto.
The sexual type
Turned on by... sex. Directly and Gloriously.
Nudity, touch, straigh to genital touch.
By the things our culture sstereotypically considers sex to be.
If this is you, you probably feel like the "easy" one, the simple one.
And you're allowed to want what you want without apologising for it being obvious. you like what you like.
The kinky type
Turned on by the taboo. Whatever taboo means to you.
For some it's sensation, rope, impact, intensity.
For others it's psychological, power, surrender, role play.
It doesn't have to be extreme and it can also be. for a lot of people what feels exciting is the forbidden.
This blueprint carries the most shame. it can also carry incredibily deep erotic energy and versatility.
The shapeshifter type
Turned on by all of it and hungry for variety.
Shapeshifters get told they're "too much," "insatiable," "complicated." In truth, they're erotically multilingual. Their gift is range.
If you've spent your whole erotic life shrinking to fit one script,this might be why you feel unsatisfied.
Turned on by all of it and hungry for variety.
Shapeshifters get told they're "too much," "insatiable," "complicated." In truth, they're erotically multilingual. Their gift is range.
If you've spent your whole erotic life shrinking to fit one script,this might be why you feel unsatisfied.
Most people have a primary blueprint and traces of the others. And your blueprint isn't a life sentence, it shifts with age, seasons, growth, hormones.
The point isn't the label. It's finally having words for what your body has been trying to tell you, instead of calling yourself broken, boring, or too much.
And this is only one framework which has been and is useful for many but you might have a type that’s not listed here. that’s absolutely valid and i encouarge you to get curious about what your type entails in that instance.give it a name if it’s useful and gives you language to communicate with lovers and partners.
Knowing your blueprint can change how you touch yourself, what you ask for, and allow you to stop apologising for your desires and preferences.
This is the kind of work i do in sessions with my clients mapping your erotic landscpae, finding the language to communicate it and learning to actually speak it.
Send me an email if you’d like to explore this together: thevelvetlilith@gmail.com
